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Are We Kidding Ourselves?

by Big Promises

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1.
Last night I went driving, And I blew out my headlights, And realised that's how every single day feels, Push my foot to the floor, I'm so afraid of missing out, Say a prayer to no gods, I should be there by now, I've reached that certain age, Now I'm defined by occupation, Big ideas are now ideas above my station, None of my friends have the job, They said they wanted at school, I don't know one single rockstar, astronaut or firefighter, Are we growing up or are we kidding ourselves? The past few years it feels like our decisions have been made, Before we ever realised we had decisions to be made, I called up my mother, she said age is just a number, And no-one really grows up in their own mind, I asked my dad what the little voices say, When people ask him his age, He said "I'm still nineteen" Are we growing up or are we kidding ourselves? The past few years it feels like our decisions have been made, Before we ever realised we had decisions to be made, Call it growing up, Call it moving on, I'll call you late at night to remind you that you're wrong, You'll ask if I've been drinking, I'll quickly change the subject, And we'll reminisce about mistakes we've both made, Nothing's really changed, Nothing's really changed, Save these laugh lines on my face.
2.
Have you written this down? Rehearsed it in your head? Those words you're saying don't make sense, Or maybe I won't let them, When you're in the shower, Several hours later, You'll think that's the one thing I should've said, I think the French have a word for that, But it escapes me now, We should put it to bed, So we can get some rest, We each said things we didn't mean, And some things that we did, I can feel us on the cusp, Of domestic relations detente, A smile thaws your cold set jaw, Guilt spasms in my once-sure gut, My staircase wit, Has got you going, I know it drives you mad, I must admit, There's something real in, Each little fight we have, We reach a shared ground eventually, A sudden moment of clarity, Perhaps it's out of necessity, Do you think the French have a word for that? My staircase wit, Has got you going, I know it drives you mad,
3.
I cleaned my scalpel in my coffee yesterday, I think the iron and caffeine saw me to my break, You make me sick, To keep you well, You make me sick, Until I'm jealous of hell, I don't have the time, For little death and heavy breath, While every waking night, I'm losing a weighted fight, I know you're sick but so am I, It's just not in a clear cut way, At least visiting hours allow you to see, Your family every day, I live to save lives, But I'd kill to lie down, I live to save lives, You make me sick, To keep you well, You make me sick, Until I'm jealous of hell, I don't have the time, For little death or heavy breath, While every waking night, I'm losing a weighted fight, I might make the wrong cuts, But they made the wrong cuts, I might make the wrong cuts, But they made the wrong cuts, I might make the wrong cuts, But they made the wrong cuts, I might make the wrong cuts, But they made the wrong cuts, You make me sick, To keep you well, You make me sick, Until I'm jealous of hell, I don't have the time, For little death or heavy breath, While every waking night, Every waking night, Every waking night, I'm losing a weighted fight,
4.
Every time I board a boat, The white sea's wake sticks in my throat, Reminds me of leaving home, All my friends and all my cousins, My mum told me I'd make new friends, But I didn't at all want them, They laughed at me for my accent, So I quickly learned to soften, My Merseyside-come-Northern Irish drawl, In an effort to appear like I belong, Like I belong. Like I belong, Like I belong, Like I belong, At fifteen, I turned to punk rock, Capdown tee underneath my school shirt, A talisman-type emblem, To feel like I belonged, Soon enough, I joined a club, They told me what was cool and not, i donned another uniform, As all these bullshit rules emerged, And I'm reminded of that primary school playground, Sing off the same hymn sheet or you'll be on your own, Like I belong. Like I belong, Like I belong, Like I belong, I know I'm not searching for a former clarity, I've just have enough of clique pretensions and community

about

We made this EP on a boat in ten hours. It rocked around a lot and I was nearly sick.

credits

released September 15, 2017

Written by Big Promises
Recorded by Ed Ripley and Rory Atwell
Mixed by Ed Ripley
Photos by Ben K Adams

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Big Promises London, UK

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